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Enter, Peter Tosh (with his guitar singing):
Downpressor man
Where you gonna run to?
Downpressor man
Where you gonna run to?
Downpressor man
Where you gonna run to?
All along that day
You gonna run to the sea
But the sea will be boiling
Sleeping Xerxes (Nebucchadnezzar): Hunger on the mountain…. ngrrrr-ngrooo…there’s hunger in the land… ngrooo-groo-groo…ebin npa wao-o-o-o! Ngrooo-grooo-grooo…. NIGERIANS DEY HUNGRY, TINUBU DEY SLEEP… JAGABAN (OF BORGU) SLEEPS AS NIGERIA HUNGERS!
Bayo Onanuga, the Nigerian XL Bully: But is there no one in all Nigeria to tame this ferocious and monstrous XL Bully before he tears our Nigeria into shreds because of food on the table and plunges our country into a national conflagration of immense magnitude/proportion?
No matter how benevolent a government is, it cannot solve all of the problems of the nation, however, it can strive and resolve, if it wishes to, to solve some of the problems of the nation if there is the (political) will, ideas, purpose, resolve, determination, goal, national philosophy, dreams, creativity, innovation, and go on to build a corrupt-free society devoid of tribalism/ethnicity, regionalism, religiosity, 100-percenter, favouritism, party-centrism and hereditary privilege and divide and rule, by promoting and celebrating unity in diversity, not making diversity appears negative, but a plus – where true democracy, patriotism and egalitarianism and inclusion are key and hold supreme.
- JOHN ODEY ADUMA
THE BISHOP’S NEW GOSPEL & DOCTRINE: CRITICISE THIS GOVERNMENT, END UP IN HELLFIRE!
Archbishop Yukah (Kukah), foremost BATist and BATtheologian.
Man of Kot, I’ve been criticising BAT since nineteen krididi, will I ko to yellfire?
E-e-e-e-e, mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa… e-e-e-e, man of Kot, will I rot in hell?
Man of Kot, de Goment is over one year now, can we start to criticise them now?
WOLE SOYINKA, THE ONCE UPON A TIME MAN… A MAN WHO ONCE CAME AMONG US
Wole Soyinka, the Professor Once Upon a Time and the pioneer of BATtheology and a frontline BATist, promoting BATism worldwide. Baba, oro coffee ko-o, de kontry is burning… oy’ eke di de soro-o.
Oro tea ko-o, Baba. Anyway, very congratulations from the depth of my heart on your 90th and now is the time for zer abunam… Magnus Okpong… ede gesi yi… abunam… magnum opus. Wo, WS, eje ka soro to to, oje ke so ro so ke-o… hunger, famine, ijoba wuruwuru ni ilu wa…all Nigeria is waiting…nay, all the world is waiting to hear from you, Prof! Prof-o—o-o, ebi npa wa-o-o-o-o-o! Ebi, npa wa-o-o-o-o-o!
On his 90th birthday, ladies and genru menu… behold, the man who once came amongst us, who then belonged to eternity! Of a truth, WS has disappointed, and has undone his works of ages in the twilight of his life…FROM THE OLYMPIAN HEIGHT TO THE VALLEY OF FOOD ON THE TABLE.
Fellow Nigerians, can you see what desperately looking for amala, gbegri, pomo, crumbs of pafu in high places, rather, Agbero Land can do? Somebody has surely got to BREAK FORTH AT DUSK!
Wallahi, this twilight resignation, whether intentional or unintentional is not only a Kongiological faux pas, but a social engineering hibernation in Season of Anomie.
And lamentably, very lamentably, and very, very lamentably, dropping off when the finished line is just insight is not just the highest hight of Kongian hubris, irresponsibility, the worst form of responsibility shirking in the twilight of one’s life’s odyssey, but a sorta incurable Konginiasis.
What is worse, to think that just because the head of the Agbero Government is one’s benefactor to whom once has access, therefore, no more open criticism, thinking the good people of Nigeria will sheepishly swallow this line of thinking and do bale for one, is not only taking the people for fools, but a pathological social engineering inexactitude (PSEI)!
No wonder THE MAN DIED who padlocked his mouth in the face of gross injustices directed at his people and the epidemic of hunger and famine in his fatherland.
Thus, a befitting epitaph for WS will then be: … THE MAN WHO STARTED VERY WELL, BUT LIKE IGNOMINIOUS ESAU, for a bowl-full of Amala, a pot of ewedu soup, ended very, very badly whilst a few yards away from THE FINISHED LINE!
OF ENI OGUN, THE DOCTRINE OF SOYINKOLOGY AND THE RULE OF AMALA
The doctrine of Soyinkology and the Rule of Ewedu and Amala say if a person criticises the Government of Bola Ahmed Tinubu when just under one year, Ogun will twist their neck and Sopono (thunder) will fire them!
THE WARNING PREAMBLE
“Verily, verily I say unto you if you criticize this Government when just (under) one year old, you are sure to end up in the hurt furnace of Ogun and be consumed by the fierce wrath of Sopono; and if you ever have or will ever criticise/d this very Government or dare to do so, or entertain such a satanic thought, you will burn in the hot furnace of Ogun perpetually. And you must desist and repent before it is too late for you. “They who have ears to hear, let them hear”, says Ogun.
“And you must divert your oponka energy to your nyama-nyama business or perish like fools,” says Eni Ogun.
And all the louts in the Federal Republic of Magomago cry out in unison: CRITICISE, OGUN TWIST YOUR NECK; CRITICISE, THUNDER FIRE YOU, PROTEST, ELEDUMARE OBA PUNISH YOU!
THE CLASH OF IYALATANOMICS, AGBERONOMICS, JAGABANOMICS WITH COMMONSENSENSICAL ECONOMICS
ECONOMY WITHOUT HUMAN FACE Vs ECONOMY WITH HUMAN FACE
THE DANGER OF BATONOMY AND O’BATONOMY
(PRACTICAL APPLICATION OF BAT & O’BAT METHOD/FORMULA TO THE NIGERIAN ECONOMY)
Dedicated to all who take no thoughts for their lives for the sake of democracy
Nigerian economy dey A & E Ward;
Throw ‘way money at it!
Nigerian people dey hungry;
A begi, throw them kpalliathieves.
Famine dey we Naija
and kontry people yus dey
chew-chew their teeth-teeth and drink water.
Bring all hoarding essenco to justice
and seal all their nyama-nyama shops!
Akooth unemployment dey we country;
Throw ‘way dem trader moni.
Famine dey Kontry,
A begi, yus throw ‘way money
at the hunger-stricken Nigerians.
Cost of living done yamutu Daddy ‘Boye’s Prophecy
And die all Baba’s liedictions!
Can’t the Nigerian people try other Prayer Tabernacles
Or go see their imams for more prayer sections?
And why dem too lazy so like original sluggards?
Abi, you know hear wetin I talk?
Abi, you no hear, Pope Oni gogoro?
I say cost of living dey too high for Baba Ajala’s
Kontry.
Abi, you no fit waka go France?
Kontry people, Nigeria haro!
Ete yen, abi you no hear Bishop Onagaga?
Unless you be rodent or mole,
You for know say him talk say: Naija na poor kontry!
Abasi mbok, cost of living dey too, too high-o-o-!
Waka ko meet ya Gominor to give you your kpalliathieves
And then hurry to Abuja to collect ya *RH!
Fuel no dey kontry-o-o-o-o-o!
Do transport sobidi for Tinubuites and O’BATISTS.
Nigerian people dey poorer under BAT/O’BAT Gofment
than in the last sixty-three years!
Stop complaining, murmuring, moaning and grumbling,
Na so-so complaining, murmuring, moaning and grumbling,
Una sabi…everyday 24/7 ngwun-gwun-gwun.
Abi unu no dey taya?
My husband no be magician nor miracle worker-o!
We renewed your hope, that no do you;
We give you gballiatives, that no do;
We remove oyel sobidi, that no do;
We give you trader moni, that no do;
We do electricity sobidi, that too no do you;
We tell you Nanjiriya na poor kontry,
that too fall on your deaf ears
So-so hala-hala… na wetin?
We signed Samuel to take loan,
Dey whole Kontry burst into flames
Saying pe we wan turn Naija
to Okoko kontry.
You can do your worst, Uncle Sam
dey come with Bassey!
Abi all of una dey craze?
Abi una gbo-gbo head no correct?
Avri sojooshon no make you shut up, wetin then
go make you all kwi kwayet for just one second?
Anyone wey wan japa, O-O,
wetin konsai okra soup with bonga fish?
Make you japa if you wan japa!
We say japa! Japa! We say japa,
this country no fit finish even thozond-thozond million japa!
This kontry will be better without all these ngwun-ngwun-ngwun
Go, maza-maza-kia-ka…ngwanu, no come make them
hold that craw-craw-woh-woh-nyama-nyama-jibiti-wayo
Marshall Symphony Orchestra here,
here no be Niger or B’Faso or Mali!
Make I tell una, all Ndigbo, Jealous Obi
go soon know who is in charge and in control.
Ndume go be small matter –
Olorun Oba, him and all his flies
go soon see pepper and hear gwi!
Make e continue to the plot with him nyama-nyama bugle.
Therefore, go! Go home, mourn,
Chew ya teeth, drink water and sleep,
You murmuring bees and moaning wasps!
No one here is the cause of your sorrow and anguish.
We are mere caretakers here.
Go to Washington! Go to London!
Go to France and ngwun-ngwun-ngwun
before them over there!
We are monitoring all conversations ongoing
On the mountaintops, hilltops, valleys, and palaces.
Emu-Cee ‘ll take over the national labour union
for peace to reign.
Anyone found with bugle, toy or metal,
fatwa straight for them, walahi!
All moaners should go to hell
No vacancy until 2031!
Eyin omo Nigeria, se efe ba ijoba mi je ni, eh?
Mo ni gbo gbo yin, se efe ba ijoba mi je ni?
Mo gbo pe efe protest… haha!
Mi gbo, ke so ro so ke…
Efe protest ni, eh? Go ahead!
Protest, die
Efe criticise mi pe lu iyawo me
ati gbo, gbo family mi, eh?
Criticise, die!
Walahi… Olorun Oba,
If you ‘re a good parent, you will advise your flies
against demo because it is demo, die!
If you Ndume me, I’ll Tinubu you.
So, na which kind uniBATsity O’BAT go?
Money Throw ‘way UnitBATsity
Or Oluwole…?
Mama Folly too
go OshiCago or Olecago?
Hun-hun, oshi oda:
Kongi-o-o!
WSie-e-e-e-e-e-e-e!
The next joint Nobel Prize for Economics
Na BAT and O’BAT for pioneering
AGBERONOMICS and IYALATANOMICS!
OF OPEN GRAZING & THE LAND GRABBING MINISTRY…. TINUBU’S COMPLETE LACK OF UNDERSTANDING OF ZANGOISM AND RUGALOGICAL POLITICS
“…. provide the land, I as the president, I am committed to giving you in two, three weeks’ time a comprehensive programme that will solve this problem.”
- Bola Ahmed Tinubu-Buhari
‘Farmers-herders clashes’: Tinubu misses the point (punchng.com),Accessed: 16/03/2024.
OF ANIMAL FARM, ONE PARTY STATE, FACIST AND POLICE STATE, SLAVE CAMP AND RUBBER STAMP ASSEMBLY… RECREATING NIGERIA IN HIS OWN IMAGE -
Amoda Sangodele Ogunlere, a rabid hater of Yibos thinks governance is all about demolishing Ndigbo’s properties to please his Fulani-Hausa-Kanuri and Shuwa Arab masters or about hijacking the Lagos polity, just as he has hijacked democracy, every national space and politics in Nigeria. But unknown to him, ABUJA NO BE LAGOS.
BAT AND HIS LAND GRABBING MINISTRY
What is more lamentable, asking governors to give lands to those with territorial expansionist agenda shows his complete lack of understanding of the psychology of the Pulas and their philosophy of zangoism and rugaism, and subsequent imposition of Arabism and Fulanism, consequent upon Arabo-Fulanigeddon.
BAT must put on his thinking cap and begin to ask the questions: what happened to Ilorin and North Africa and all of the Middle East?
Lest I forget, let’s have EROSION & OTHER NATURAL DISASTER MINISTRY FOR THE SOUTH EAST AND…AND..AND HUNGER AND FAMINE MINISTRY AND COST OF LIVING MINISTRY AND LIVING WAGE MINISTRY AND THE NATIONAL SECURITY MINISTRY OR THE NATIONAL SECURITY AND DEFENCE MINISTRY (BOKO HARAM MINISTRY), ETC, ETC.
FELLOW NIGERIANS, IN THESE OUR PERILOUS AND CHAOTIC TIMES, … HOLD STRONG, REMAIN SOLID AND UNMOVEABLE LIKE THE GILBRATAR ROCK
If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small.
- Proverbs 24:10.
Finally, fellow compatriots: SHARE, SHARE, SHARE AND AGAIN, I SAY SHARE, SHARE, SHARE, SHARE!
ECONOMIC TRADITIONALISM Vs. ECONOMIC ALTERNATIVISM
LET THERE BE:
National tech technological incubation centres - heaven helps those who help themselves; explore the sporting sector; vocational education, vocational academies all over the country, more especially in the North; Operation Green the Desert (OGD); let all repentant Boko go and plant trees in the North, including prisoners and all job seekers and create the NATIONAL EVIRONMENTAL BEAUTIFICATION PROGRAMMR (NEBP) –
Let Corp Members, prisoners and job seekers fill all potholes in and around the country –
Let there be the RURAL ROAD REHABILITAION AND MAINTENACE AUTHORITY (RRRMA), and in like manner: THE NATIONAL ROAD REHABILITATION AND MAINTENACE AUTHORITY (NRRMA)
Let there be traineeship, training on the job…the national apprenticeship programme, encourage healthy competition within the polity and the economy.
BACK TO LAND
Fellow Nigerians, put on your thinking cap in this season of hunger and famine in the land – plant vegetables in all available places – in cans, in pots, on your roof tops, road sides, motor/car booths/inside dilapidated trucks/motors/gwongworo/tippers, build kiosks having shelves or chambers for the purpose of planting vegetables; every primary, college, polytechnic/technology colleges, universities must return to land; turn your backyard to farm; let the military; olice and the paramilitary do farm, correctional centres return to farm; start car booth sales, do auctions, start bargain shops, sell all your unwanted materials/belongings; let’s return to trade by bater again, etc, etc.
WHERE ARE THE NATION’S ECONOMISTS AT A TIME LIKE THIS…THE PIUS OKIGBOS, THE SAM ALUKOS OF THIS WORLD….?
The dearth of economists in the nation should be blamed on the press in Nigeria which since the era of the military chose a captive audience who could give them brown envelopes to interview them instead of spreading their news sources and interviewees in and round the nation, including Nigerians in the diaspora – ALL NEWS IN NIGERIA, RATHER WHAT CONTITUTES NEWS THEREOF IN THESE DAYS OF RUBISH, GARBAGE, ROTTEN AND LAZY JOURNALISM IS EVERYTHING ABOUT THEIR MODERN CAPTIVE AUDIENCE – THE CULT OF CELEBRITY – A PEOPLE WITH ZERO MORALITY, INTEGRITY, DIGNITY, PERPETUALLY SYNDICATING THEIR SORROWS AND NYAMA-NYAMA IN PUBLIC SPACES, THUS, FURTHER CORRUPT THE REPUBLIC!
THE DEATHS OF INDEPTH EDITORIAL WRITING AND THE FOREIGN DESKS IN THE NIGERIAN PRESS
Responsive and incisive editorial writing in Nigerian journalism is dead just as the Foreign Desks of all the Newsrooms - whether print or broadcast. All because many a media house in Nigeria has compromised themselves.
Since my last observation about the quality of editorial writing and the non-responsive nature of editorial features on national and global events, The Punch looks to have suddenly woken up from their slumber with their recent sharp, straight to the point, but clearly less critical of the Government of the day editorials. Their responses to national events/issues have improved very tremendously with respect to just editorials.
And unlike The Guardian The Punch does not vacillate, although unlike the radical days of Bola Bolawale (BB) and his boys, amongst whom this writer was, that very ferocious leftist featuring on national issues have gone out, such that The Punch even though has cultivated the habit of brevity which adds poignancy to reading, it is yet behaving like a senile old woman in Okpokrikpo village in Ghangangan Republic, placing one of her hands behind her weak back which has seen many moons, with another quakingly holding tightly to her old stick blessed with mounds of moulds, which probably has served her for years, nervously speaking to the village elders, chewing her words and holding back frightfully, being afraid of hurting the Council of Elders.
The Punch must remember its background, its philosophy, vision, purpose and style.
As for the modern Guardian, sometimes their lacklustre response to key national, continental and global issues gives them away as a people living in space, so thoroughly disconnected with the current Nigerian/African dilemma, reality and global topsy-turvy.
Look at Rutam House’s contribution to the controversial national anthem; all they could do was to focus on the lyrics of the hitherto binned anthem, then Martin Oloja reluctantly wrote what ought to have served as The Guardian’s response to the dusted and reinstated national anthem; then they half-heartedly and belatedly came up with another editorial on the same subject matter – what a waste of precious time, energy and space, as if they had just been rehabilitated into the mainstream of society after some centuries at the OBRUKUTU REHABILITATION CENTRE (ORC).
And in their very belated and after-thought editorial about the mistreatment of BAT in South Africa during the inauguration ceremony which saw Cyril Ramaphosa back in power, they were all over every abandoned archaic library in SA to template and paste on their editorial page for whosoever may care, and then returned to Nigeria; and then took another flight to SA, one of the many; and continental Africa – and everywhere on the planet earth!
The lament and the pain in a region of my soul is that what used to be the flagship of the press in Nigeria has been reduced to a mere newsletter for THE OBRUKUTU DRINKERS CLUB!
Also, whatever informed the recent change in the font type, binning the old/traditional one, making The Guardian aesthetically challenged, thus unappealing and unattractive!
The Foreign Desks of all the media houses in Nigeria are dead, but let this death not be permanent - o (!) such that the high level of intellectualism which my friend, Julius Omokioja Kwame Eto, formerly Associate Editor of The Guardian and Nosa Osazuwa brought to bear in their analyses of international events/issues even as mere Staff Reporters have now become extinct on the Foreign Desk of The Guardian just as those of the others, both print and broadcast!
It was Eto’s analysis of the Operation Desert Storm in 1991 that earned him his eternal place at Rutam House even then on a test like this writer at the time.
What all the reporters and their editors on the Foreign Desks do now is to template foreign news such that after 3-5 minutes of some news items appearing on their media, you already have them on the frontpages of the Nigerian newspapers just as they are simultaneously being broadcast by the TV people when not a single newspaper/TV station, (not even the NTA/NAN) in that country has a foreign/ECOWAS/African Correspondents even in the 21st century at a time their publishers are driving the latest SUVs – again, NOT even the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN).
So, Martin Oloja and Alabi Williams, brothers, friends, wakey-wakey (!), including all at the helms of affairs at Rutam House and recreate/reconstruct and re-invent The Guardian by retracing their steps to the good old days.
And whatever happened to those ‘wicked’ type of editorials we used to run from the front page, taking over the whole centre spread/page?
NEWS ITEMS IN MODERN NIGERIAN JOURNALISM… OF GOSSIP JOURNALISM, THE DEGENERACY OF NEWS REPORTING AND FEATURES WRITING IN NIGERIA
Arguably, about 99.09% of the news items in Nigeria originate from press releases – in other words, reporters and their editors in Nigeria have for obvious reasons turned themselves to both errand boys and girls and Public Relations Officers for organizations, institutions, celebrities, waka-come ladies who have commodified themselves, etc.
Here are their news sources – THE FLESH SELLERS OF NOLLYWOODS, THE BOOBS AND BOTTOM (A.K.A F-8) TRADERS OF NIGERIA, Asari Dokubo, Sunday Igboho, IPOB, Ganiyu Adams, hungry and unregistered charity owners, other Bread & Butter Activists (BABAs), the so-called Soja (Social) Media influencers, the cult of the so-called celebrities, etc, etc.
Whilst editorial writing is gasping for breath in the Nigerian media, the Foreign Desks, dead, dead and dead, and investigative journalism became extinct since nineteen krididi!
SILENCE IS NOT ALWAYS GOLDEN NOR WISDOM, BUT CONSPIRACY
The Arch-BATist, Archbishop Hassan Kukah, Ishaq Akintola of MURIC and others can’t talk any more, but he just like Wole Soyinka is now promoting the Theology of BATology (BATtheology) and the ideology of BATism, a sorta if you criticise the Government of Bola Ahmed Tinubu when just under one year, you sure will end up in hellfire:
Verily, verily I warn you: if you criticise the Government of Bola Ahmed Tinubu when just under one year, you sure will end up in hellfire!
Verily, verily I say unto you if you criticize this Government when just one year old, you are sure to end up in hellfire, and if you ever have or will ever criticise/d this (very) Government or dare to do so or entertain such a satanic thought, you will burn in hellfire perpetually.
And you must desist and repent before it is too late for you.
They who have ears to hear, let them hear, says the preachers.
And you must divert your nyama-nyama energy to your nyama-nyama business or perish like fools.
ENTER, TNUBU’S NKWENKWE, SEYI TINUBU:
Once again, can BAT’s hanging around nkwenkwe (Xhosa, for a little boy) keep away from Jos, all Plateau and all Nigeria to allow our people a moment of grief arising from their heavy losses during the school building collapsed?
See me, see trouble-o: Cricket wey never work for money in all his life, wan give our people money nor buy common ordinary ‘kerchief’ in his life wan ‘help’ the bereaved with money. Na where e for get dey money?
But why don’t Tinubu and Shetty visit scenes of disasters to empathise with the victims of such disasters?
NSE, COREN and the QSRBN, all Ministries of Works and Housing, both at state and Federal Levels and the Ministries of Education too, at both levels hang their heads in shame!
Also, can someone help tell the barking Police, protest/demo and democracy are inseparable Siamese twins, so both go pari passu?
Enter, MLK Jr:
“True peace is not merely the absence of tension: it is the presence of justice.” — Martin Luther King Jr. “We must learn that passively to accept an unjust system is to cooperate with that system, and thereby to become a participant in its evil.”
AGBEROCRACY/CRAZY, THREATOCRACY, GANGSTERISM & JAGAJAGA AS NEW FORMS OF GOVERNANCE
As OPERATION WETIE returns to Nigeria as a reaction to the pervasive gangsterism that now reigns supreme in our Republic under that anti-North, anti-Ndigbo, anti-South South, anti-equality, anti-diversity, anti-inclusion, anti-meritocracy, anti-competitive performance, anti-professionalism, anti-Nigerianism, but pro-Yoruba Parapo, pro-hereditary privilege Agberocrat, Amoda Sangodele Ogunlere of Iragbiji, Rehoboam/Pharaoh/Arta/Xerxes (the real Nebuchadnezzar) of Eko (alias Bola Ahmed Tinubu), all Agberocrats/Tinubuites/BATtists/Jagabanites and Asiwajuites like the otunu (Yala for push fight/agent provocateur) and the loose cannon and loudmouth, Bayo Onanuga and the other fellow crooks, thieves and robbers and almajirai in the corridors of power and at the Apex Legislative Assembly (ALA) must be made aware that having all conspired severally to force the Nigerian people into Gethsemane, and are now leading them towards Golgotha, after the Good Friday, comes Easter Sunday!
And to all the Nigerian people in all the nooks and crannies of our Republic who in their collective anguish are now like Rachel of Ramah weeping inconsolably, crying out: EBI NPA WA! EBI NPA WA! EBI NPA WA-O-O-O (!), should all severally take solace in the words of Otto Rene Castillo: “Beneath our night a sun awaits us….”
And falling into a trance, I could hear a rancorous sound of unruly crowds scattered all over Magomago Land, screaming and shouting:
TINUBU MUST GO! APC MUST DIE! RESIGN, TINUBU… TINUBU MUST RESIGN!
*Photos: sourced from personages' image galleries on Bing.
