Diversionary! Diversionary! Diversionary!

All is diversionary, says the poet.

Diversionary upon diversionary,

All is diversionary:

 

The President on medical vacation;

Was on life support;

And the cabals fearing losing power

baggaged him home hurriedly;

Activists rushed to the streets

Calling for the President's resignation for sake of incapacity;

Jagaban and Jagaban slugged it out as to who 'll succeed him,

Then the President playing his usual monkey trick

Assembled his gambit and goddamned economic buffoons

and launched the infamous Economic Recovery and Growth Nonsense.

Haha! Hiohio! Haha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!

 

Diversionary! Diversionary!

All is diversionary, says the poet.

Suddenly the medieval potentate disappeared again

from the public glare

And his thorougly befuddled associates and the two parrots -

One from the savanna and the other from the rainforest

behaving like brainless rabbits went to town with their megaphones

barking at every concerned citizen:

The President has the right to rest

on the advice of his doctors.

 

Again the President was spotted at a prayer ground

And lying Lai came cursing every citizen:

The President 'll not die.

Anyone wishing him dead will suffer the fate of Owelle's enemies.

Only a foolish vulture will perch on the rooftop of the living.

The owl that hoots in the day, let him not see the night!

 

Again,the President disappeared,

Putting the nation's health and fellow compatriots'

On off and On state,

whilst foreign investors avoid the Great River like a plague.

 

Vice President delegated:

President not seen at FEC meet;

VP presiding over FEC meet, talking rubbish,

Lying like Lai - the country is out of reccession,

And mouthing about non-existent peace and unity!

 

Again the President surfaced and disappeared;

Surfaced and disappeared;

Surfaced and disapeared!

 

Then came the Great Lai-ya of the Republic,

struggling with the two loudmouths:

President now to work from home,

All files now in his official residence - aah,

In her kitchen too, to demonstrate seriousness and commitment.

 

Activists went wild hollering and barking like the alsatian bulldogs

Quoting Yadudu's toilet tissue

With Lai berating everybody, recanting earlier announcement:

The nation must have been listening to an evil genius,

Just now, now, Mr President received two ministers

And all service chiefs in his office

Mr President is hale and hearty!

 

And from the kitchen the caged and imprisoned Wife of the President told the nation:

My hubby is not as sick as the wailing outsiders and mourners have merely been talking nonsense and writing fiction!

 

Again, the President was spotted at a Jumat prayer, looking, very, very frail.

And concerned citizens intensified their call on him

to consider his health and resign,

for the sake of his family and the nation!

 

The cabals sensing power may be slipping off them

flooded the streets and the pages of newspapers

tackling every perceived enemy and castigating the two contending probable VPs -

As the cry of the self-proclaimed 'king maker' reveberates all over the land

He was heard hollering and hollering in the manner of *Agbero:

AFTER HIM NA ME! AFTER HIM NA ME-O-O-O!

The President will not die, said the cabals

Owelle outlived his enemies.

Life belongs to God and God alone!

 

With further deepening uncertainty, worries and anxieties engulfing the land,

the two Jagabans wrestled themselves over the coveted,

but yet-to-be vacant golden stool,

And the foreign press announced: 80 Chibok Girls freed!

 

Brothers! Sisters! Chorus:

Diversionary! Diversionary!

All is diversionary.

 

Son, I have shown you the way and how to get to your pot of gold,

in the interlanced forest, crossing seven rivers:

Then go there and don't let the adulterated pain capsule (APC) prescribed for the Republic by the fake doctors in the CHANGE MOVEMENTdestroy your destiny

So son, take your destiny in your hands

or choose to entrust it to the Association of Political Crooks (APC)

and perish like a fool.

Son, go with that resolute determination, typical of a Nigerian imbued with the Nigerian Spirit;

Get rid of every obstacle and predator on the way and never, ever turn back,

for a true Nigerian with the Nigerian Spirit

never turns back because of danger and daunting challenges

or thinks of giving up or actually giving up - and never, ever do, son.

If the lion roars, don't you ever retreat,

but remember, diversionary is not bribery,

but strategic permutation,

Therefore, take a piece of meat out of your bag and distract him,

Throw it at him, son and continue with your journey to your prophetic destination;

If the wild monkey threatens, son, remember,

diversionary is not just a distraction, but an art.

Therefore, give him one of your bannanas and continue with your journey, son.

No! Not bribery, but strategy -

and in life you must learn to distract and deflect,

for this is sccience and philosophy and simple methodology and em...psychology!

Son, if the giants and ogres threaten,

remember, applying the same strategy and methodology

is not weakness and monotony,

but survival strategy and simple calculation for expediency's sake.

Therefore, remove your gold wrist watch and give it to them

to continue your journey to the foot of the rainbow

and obtain the life's pot of gold.

 

Son, how else can you get your enemies off your neck and back?

Deploy diversionary tactics!

Deploy diversionary strategy!

Deploy son,

Son, deploy diversionary scheme!

See? At least for three weeks,

no one will talk about the President's health,

but Chiboks!

All is diversionary then:

Diversionary! Diversionary!

All is diversionary

Diversionary upon diversionary,

All is diversionary, says the poet.

But son, never fail to pray against too much gullibility in the Republic.

 

*Tout/thug